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Thursday, March 4, 2010

everyone kill yourselves

My hometown of nearly 30 months, Harrisonburg, Virginia, until now famous only for that dog food smell on Thursdays, was yesterday struck by a 50-megaton spray-tanned nuclear solar flare from space, nearly neutralizing the dog food smell.

James Madison University, the local learning college, hosted Snooki, a human female famous for doing things. She was invited by JMU's Program Board as part of their Distinguished Lecture series. Snooki gave a wide-ranging presentation on topics such as derivatives regulation and Middle East peace for nearly seven minutes, a friend's brother tells me, in a talk titled "At Least Hell Has Free Tanning".

Event organizers were pleased with the turnout, arguing that "bringing a speaker like this is a good way to attract students to events." Sticking with this logic, the Program Board is already preparing for next month's event, Vodka and Cupcakes Night featuring Two Dogs Fucking.

Also, she's not even hot.