Italian authorities uncovered several dead hookers and €80bn in undeclared assets in a tax amnesty but will lose it all what with the government being staffed by Italians.
Haha, the Senate deathcare bill will impose a 10% tax on tanning salons, as John Boehner and his 15-year-old niece cry orange tears.
Let's see, investment banks this (last) year saw a large increase in revenues from service fees from debt and equity issuance, but this was offset by a decline in revenues from merger and acquisition activity. A million points if you can find a joke here.
Glencore, a Swiss commodity trader, is set for an IPO, who cares.
In Bethlehem, Israel is showing the Christmas spirit (AND WHY WOULDN'T IT?) by restoring the original nativity scene with the 30ft concrete barriers that kept baby Jesus from riding his donkey cart on Roman-only roads, for historical accuracy.
And in another Christmas miracle, Sinead O'Connor tackled the Pope or something.
Hard to tell here, but it doesn't look like he signaled fair-catch, and all the flags were late.