Ugh, so behind. Anyway... ::drum roll:: ::fanfare:: ::armpit fart:: ...NEWS!
Iran's government wants to know how anyone in Iran could possibly hate its repressive secretive stupid illegitimate government of retarded incompetent rednecks? Oh right, because of Britain, flobviously. Still sore about Mossadeq.
China also tried to settle historic scores with the UK by executing a British mental for drug trafficking, because of the Opium Wars, why not. Some complained the trafficker, Akmal Shaikh, was a few bricks short of a stash, given that he, oh let's see, TRAVELED TO CHINA TO BECOME A POP SINGER VIA TAJIKISTAN, as we so often do. But China was all like "lick my dumplings, bitches" and shot him.
President of America Barack "Re-Run" Obama pointed his righteous finger at intelligence agencies who failed to point theirs at the appropriate underpants. They promised to "go commando".
Russia is considering capital controls to halt the rise of the rouble which is funny because last year they were draining reserves like mad to defend it. Markets are retarded, the end.
And Russian autoworkers brace for the inevitable bearing-of-the-moobs Vladimir Putin is famous for.