I'm stuck in the snowpocalypse, so why not. Some motherfucking headlines!
Failbank Citigroup was all set to free itself from Tim Geithner's deadly reacharound like every other bank but still somehow managed to fuck that up. Someone at Citi thought it might be funny to lowball the government in it's planned share offering so instead it will now be kicked in them (the balls).
Important news in financial innovation. Insurance companies will soon offer protection to companies who stand to suffer reputational damage when their spokespeeps, oh I don't know, get caught straight-up nailing pornstars and fire hydrants and trees and shit.
Some insider trading thing, who cares.
In order to soothe investor concerns about all this inflation that there isn't any of, the Federal Reserve announced an end in February to some of its special liquidity programs, like its Bernanke FunBucks swap lines with foreign central banks. Little awkward breaking up right before Valentine's day. Still, THRILLING.
And Danish police dressed as Legos broke up David Bowie's rendition of Cats for reasons that should be obvious.