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Friday, February 13, 2009

(Thursday's and Friday's) FT front page roundup: Because I'm Lazy Edition

Congressional leaders nodding approvingly at Barack Obama's swollen package. Everyone pointed and laughed at Tim Geithner's.

Senior Wall Street douches lined up for their mock executions in Congress. Legislators yelled at them for awhile, which it turns out is way easier than learning about banking industry regulation. The douches agreed to help restructure housing debt, which they can't because they securitized it and sold it to some German bank that probably failed.

Israel's new hit reality show, 'Oy, So You Think You Can Be Prime Minister?', continued with its opening season. Foreign Minister Tzipi Livni of Kadima managed a one-seat victory over Binyamin Netanyahu's Likud, and each will try to form a government with human skidmark Avigdor Lieberman and some other party you've never heard of. Isn't it great that the US and Israel each have a Lieberman that ruins everything? Kindred spirits! Anyway, Israel's Mexican president Shimon Peres will judge the outcome with wry wit and a British accent.

Moving on, UK mining giant Rio Tinto sold the family "crown jewels" to China's state-run Chinalco. Chinalco invested $19.5bn, much of it in convertible bonds, in preparation for their eventual conquest of Australia.

Chrysler's transmission fell out.

Republican Judd Gregg withdrew his nomination as commerce secretary when everyone remembered he was a Republican.

A Russian military anti-satellite satellite destroyed a US commercial satellite because it looked at it funny. John McCain immediately declared war.

And spotlight-fucker Nicolas Sarkozy of France proposed new regulations for hedge funds, which are managing to destroy themselves quite nicely without him, thanks.

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