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Tuesday, February 24, 2009

A tale of two douches

Douchebag Texas bazillionaire Allen Sanford’s fraud was uncovered by the super sleuthery of a Venezuelan financial analyst. This hero bravely sacrificed an entire half-hour of his time using the sophisticated financial detective software known as "the internet", and somehow managed to access Sanford's secret library of accounting data, in something called "public financial statements". Hilarity.
"Stanford Financial was almost like a phantom company," says John Olson, a prominent Houston businessman who is managing partner of Houston Energy Partners, a hedge fund. "You never saw anyone from Stanford at any of the meetings or conferences. It was like they weren’t even there."
Indeed. Just like your money.

Bonus hilarity: Investigators have yet find a single instance of superfraud Bernard Madoff actually purchasing a security on behalf of an investor in the last 13 years. By contrast, it would take several hours to detect similar behavior from, oh, I don't know, the Domino's delivery guy.

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