...news, moderately offensive commentary, f-bombs...

Saturday, February 28, 2009

FT front page roundup

Known illegal immigrant Barack Obama explained that zillions of dollars in new spending will increase the budget deficit somehow.

The Office of Management and Budget released a ten-year budget outlook that stripped out George Bush's cherished accounting gimmicks so we can truly enjoy how poor we are. Obama plans on letting Bush's tax cuts expire by 2011 and then adding new taxes on the rich to pay for the poors' healthcares, like some suave black Robin, from the Hood. This bothers Republicans who insist on shaping the issue with homoerotic innuendo, as always.
In a sign of partisan battles to come, Mitch McConnell, Republican leader in the Senate, where Mr Obama needs at least 60 out of 100 votes to push through bills, said: “While the American people are tightening their belts, Washington seems to be taking its belt off.”

Mr. Obama additionally plans on taxing the "carried interest" of private equity managers as income, because it is, and introducing a cap-and-trade system for carbon emissions, so Al Gore doesn't have to continue absorbing them all.

Royal Bank of Scotland, now officially the biggest loser in British history, is getting a further sexy capital injection from the government, for losing.

Controlled cash-burn and former motorcarriage maker General Motors prays for divine intervention from the Sword of Deloitte.

And UBS has appointed Oswald Grubel, former boss of arch-nemesis Credit Suisse, as chief executive, in a stunning move about which several people are likely to care.

No comments: