Oppressed black man Barack Obama whipped out another package, in public, so you'll all get to stay in your crystal meth labs, hooray.
Meanwhile, Fed chair and beard enthusiast Ben Bernanke lived out his childhood dream and adopted a de facto inflation target of 2%, for America. The idea is to anchor inflation expectations at that level so the Fed can print money for everyone, with the assumption that it will take it all away again before we become Zimbabwe. Frederic Mishkin totally jizzed his pants.
UBS settled with the US justice department for $780m after helping American heroes avoid their communist taxes. UBS has also shamefully agreed to turn over the names of these patriots.
Mentally-stable Republican Bob Zoellick called for greater European Union assistance for central and eastern European economies, whom have redefined the nature of a bank run, in which banks literally fuck off and leave. Bob Zoellick is Steve Buscemi's evil identical half-brother.
And finally GM...alternator, something...bleh, dont care.