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Tuesday, February 3, 2009

FT front page roundup

UBS is depressed since all its US competition quit being investment banks and now they have no one to play with anymore.

God punished the UK with snow, in winter, of all seasons, so everyone got to stay home to practice being unemployed. Also the snow disrupted labor unrest in Lincolnshire, which proves he hates communists.

Twenty million migrant laborers have lost their jobs in China and left cities go be poor with their families.

Mattel's profits plummeted as parents opt for those sucky 25 cent gumball machine toys as opposed to actual ones.

And Cyberdyne Systems Google and Nasa are laying the groundwork for the robot rebellion, which will solve climate change by killing everyone.*

*Hm. No link on the website for this story, which led me to believe it was the best made-up pre-firing article ever written. But The Daily Telegraph reported it, too.

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