Israeli shelling killed 33 civilians at a UN-run school in Gaza, bringing the death toll to over 600. Palestinians will of course take it on the chin and not get too worked up about it.
Barack Obama meanwhile said he was "deeply concerned" about civilian casualties in Gaza because he's an anti-Semite. America now has two presidents at a time.
Distraught German billionaire tycoon Adolf Merckle stepped in front of a train after realizing he only had a few billion dollars left. His business empire began to unwind last year after being caught out in Porsche's reacharound takeover of Volkswagen.
Complications have emerged in Bank of America's merger with Merrill Lynch after the head of Merrill's prized financial advisers peaced out for no reason, leaving this 16,000-strong "thundering herd" of strapping young alpha-males leaderless with no future other than gay porn.
Minutes from the last Federal Reserve meeting reveal the governors considered an inflation target, which is Ben Bernanke's favoritest thing ever. The target will be: "some".