While searching for FT articles to rip off and write about, I stumbled upon another blog which does exactly this, written by a "professor" of "finance" at "Johns Hopkins Carey Business School", which frankly sounds made up.
I can't fucking believe this guy traveled to the future to steal my idea, then traveled back and started it before I did. What a dick! He even stole my picture idea, showing him mocking our sacred government institutions by humorously standing in front of them. Also his blog isn't nearly as funny. Searching it revealed no items with the word "fuck" or "dildotron", for example. Still, now that I have (weak) competition, I'll have to be funnier.
...But if you like your financial news without porn references, and want it solely for the purpose of becoming a well informed citizen-scholar in an advanced democracy, then go read his, Financial Times for Us.