But then came the car companies. Everyone pitied them so we stretched the definition of 'systemic' so they could get in on the action. Some complained at the time this would set an awful precedent, leaving the door open for just about anyone to request federal money.
Well here's just about anyone. From ThinkProgress:
Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis and Hustler magazing publisher Larry Flynt have asked Congress for a $5 billion bailout, arguing that their industry is also one of the “nation’s most important businesses“:
[A]ccording to Flynt the recession has acted like a national cold shower. “People are too depressed to be sexually active,” Flynt says, “This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex.”
While not to the degree felt by banks and automakers, the Adult Entertainment industry has been hit by the effects of the economic downturn. DVD sales and rentals have decreased by 22 percent in the past year as viewers turn to the internet for adult entertainment.
Yes, people won't fuck and make babies. It really doesn't get any more systemic than that.
Mr. Bloggington has decided to tentatively support the porn bailout, on the condition that the Fed or Treasury get to name the features it sponsors, and so long as they all contain public service announcements about predatory lending and adjustable-rate mortgages in between all the anal sex.
Here are my title suggestions. Feel free to add your own.
Propensity to Consume
Fannie Does Freddie
Barack's Stimulus Package
and my favorite...
Jesus, this is so much like my dreams its scary.